As The World Tans

Previously, on 'As The World Tans'...

'Doooooooooook!! What do you mean, there is a new tanning salon opening across the street??! We will be put out of bishness!!!!'

[dramatic voiceover]

- Will SunDaze survive?
- Will the new salon force Dirk and Hilde into the 20th century?
- Who is the mysterious owner of the new salon?

.... find out, on this week's episode of 'As The World Tans'....

Dirk: Oooooooooiiiii Hilde!!! Look at thish promotional flyer!!!

'New Tanning Salon open! Special introductory discounts!
Convenient opening hours. Friendly service. Latest model sunbeds.
Professional staff. Clean environment. Credit cards accepted.'

They are everything we are not!!! We will be deshtroyed!!!!'

Hilde - [shrugs shoulders] - 'I am not worried. We have loyal customers. They will not defect to this fancy Sun Palace across the shtreet!'

Dirk - 'but Hilde! We have 43 staff on our payroll! 11 are on job share and work 12 minutes a week each! The other 32 are on permanent sick leave! We are close to going under as it is! And now thish! Ooooooooiiiiii!!!'

Hilde - 'do not worry Dirk, I have a plan! Let us do some indushtrial eshpionnnnage! Let ush shee what we are up againsht!! After all, their flyer may just be all lies! Remember - our shign shays we also are friendly and clean, but you shecretly film the girlsh when they are doing the tanning and watch the filmsh with your friendsh - ho! ho! ho!'

Dirk - 'yesh, Hilde - as usual you are right. You go and shee what these Sun Palace people are made off......'

[Scene 2: in the lobby of Sun Palace].

Sara - 'Hi there! Welcome to Sun Palace! My name is Sara. What can I help you with today?'

Hilde '[eyeing her up and down scornfully] - yesh, I am here to have a tan! - what elshe?'

Sara - 'ok, if you don't mind me saying so, you have rather a deep, deep colour as things are. Have you just come back from holiday?'

Hilde '[proudly] - I was in my camper van in Hilvershum! But I am naturally very bronze!'

Sara - 'well, have you been on a sunbed in the last 3 days?'

Hilde - 'of courshe! what is wrong with you?!'

Sara - 'really, I don't think it would be safe for you to tan any more for a while. We have very high standards of care here at Sun Palace. I really do think your skin would benefit from a rest for a few days. Perhaps you'd like to consider a rejuvenation therapy instead?'

Hilde - 'you Americansh make me shick! Coming here thinking you know everything! What about him?! [points at Sara's assistant]. He hash an even bronzer colour than me!! You probably let him use your shunbed!!!'

Sara - 'Er, he's black, I'm from Antwerp, and I was just making a suggestion. Of course, you are welcome to use our sunbeds if you choose to do so.'

Hilde - 'YA! Lekker! Yesh, I go for the Turbo Bronze for 45 minutesh.'

Sara - 'the maximum time allowed, for safety reasons, is 10 minutes. That will be €7.'

Hilde - '[blinking] what will be €7?'

Sara - 'your 10 minute sunbed session.'

Hilde - '€7??!!! For 10 minutesh!! You can get the Crishpy Duck Special for that!!'

Sara - 'sorry, what? I'm not sure I follow - what has a Chinese restaurant promotion got to do with our pricing?'

Hilde - 'You fool! The Crishpy Duck Special is mine!! At ShunDaze - across the shtreet - all you can tan for €7!! I have sheen enough here! Austublieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeft!!!!'

[Scene 3 - back at SunDaze]

Hilde - '[cackling] Dirk, they cannot shucksheed. The place will close within a week! The prices they are charging, no-one from the village will go! They are outshidersh too!'

Dirk - '[applying blister cream to Hilde's face] - you are so clever! But wait - who's that at the door?'

[Dirk goes to answer the door, and returns with a strange man].

Hilde - who are you?

Dirk - he shays he's the owner of Shun Palace!

Strange Man - don't you recognise me, Hilde?

Hilde - '[squinting] - Bobby??!!'

[dramatic voiceover]

- who is Bobby?
- what will become of Sun Palace?
- has Hilde had her last Crispy Duck special?

...... tune in next time for more 'As the World Tans'...