Universal Theory of Everything

Over the past 4 months, as I've bitched and purged on this blog, I've had time to reflect on what it is that makes living in Holland - and dealing with Dutch people - so crucifyingly and unredeemingly awful. I've obsessed over various issues and behaviours, trying to make sense of it all. Little did I suspect that there could be one unifying theory that could unite all of Holland's and the Dutchies' shortcomings in one, simple equation?

But I think I've come up with the answer.

Lack of confidence.

It doesn't seem profound or particularly insightful - but when you examine things a bit more closely, you can see that the one constant in all Dutchies' behaviour stems from a deap-seated lack of confidence.

Certainly, there are many causes for and effects of this situation. But the constant throughout is the innate absence of self-belief and confidence.

You don't believe me? Think of the things in your life that you're not confident about. Driving; anything to do with science, electricity or numbers; your ability to control your drinking at an office party and calling your boss by his secret nickname? Or are they just my issues?

Anyhow, think of your behaviour when you're confronted with someone, or a situation, with which you're not confident. Are you at your wittiest? Your friendliest? Your most magnanimous or charming? Typically, no. Instead, you run between aggressive ("that is not poshibolll"), or silent (shrug shoulders, or point), or trying evasive action ("that will take too much time"), or trying to avoid the situation completely ("that ish not my ressshponnshibility!!").

And think of the things that make you feel not confident. A lack of knowledge or familiarty; feelings of inadequacy; previous disappointments in life. Given the state of Dutch educational standards; the provincialism; the lack of interest in learning or experiencing new things, it's easy to see how rare it is for a Dutch person to feel truly confident.

In fact, though it surprises me to admit it, I have met a handful of open, competent, regular Dutch people during my year here. But without exception, they have all lived abroad and have completed (at least) third level education. Their decision to get out of their comfort zone, and look outside the province, has made them happier, and ultimately, more confident.

So, when you put all of this together, I guess I have worked through my hostility and now just feel a bit sorry for the poor Dutchies and their limited expectations and attitude.

This realisation, coupled with the fact that I am leaving Holland permanently in the New Year, means that now seems a good time to finish this blog. I've worked through my issues. Thanks to anyone who read this and enjoyed it.

Dooooooooooooook! Oy! Oy!