Rules of Engagement

Did you know that, outside Scandinavia, Holland has the highest proportion of single person households in Western Europe? And that the proportion is growing?

Psychologists, economists and anthropologists have speculated on the causes, but no consensus as to the reason has emerged. Could it be that Dutch people prefer a life of solitude and contemplation? Or that they are innately independent and prefer to strike out on their own? Or that an existence in which someone else might nick your last herring out of the fridge and never buy toilet paper is too gruesome to bear?

My own view is that it is becoming increasingly difficult for the Dutch to meet potential partners. How do single Dutchies meet their soulmates? At least the ones who don't marry their cousins, or the person from the next village over? Their options appear limited.

We've already looked at the restaurant scene, and the only conclusion can be that an invitation to dinner is more a prelude to a break-up, or punishment.

Partner 1: "Honey, I'm sorry, I've been having an affair."
Partner 2: "That's it! I'm taking you to dinner!"

What else is there? Maybe something cultural, like a trip to a museum or gallery? Again, this option seems fraught with difficulty. Most of the Rijksmuseum is still closed for renovation. The temporary Stedelijk building has Legionnaire's Disease in its cooling tower and one person has already died there. Even scarier, the Van Gogh museum costs €10!

Maybe a romantic stroll in the Fondlepark? Again - problematic. In Deep Winter, it will be pouring with rain and hail, and you'll be buffeted by gales. In Winter, it will be full of Dutchies having herring-barbecues and Grandpa's Dicks.

Hmmmm. Shopping? The catch here is that the nutjob proprietor will throw you out of the place if you try to.... er, shop. God forbid you're holding a cup of coffee.

I know! How about good old-fashioned bar hopping? Meet your soulmate over some warm beer and a boiled egg? Again, the service and hygiene issues mean that this route is not guaranteed to achieve the results you wish. Plus, when a Dutch person goes Dutch on a bill, abacuses and calculators are at the ready. That can kill the mood.

Maybe they could go digital and try internet dating? But have you ever called a Dutch internet service provider and tried to get a working broadband connection installed at your home in under 37 years? Exactly.