Monday, September 11, 2006

Titter, titter

Dutch Comedian: Knock, knock!

Other Dutchie: Who's there?!

Dutch Comedian: You.

Other Dutchie: You who?

Dutch Comedian: You have a wife who is very ugly!

Other Dutchie: Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! HAAAH!

Ah - simple pleasures. Have you experienced Dutch humour? Still clutching your sides from the Mr Bean marathon they showed on your last klm flight? Or maybe your tummy hurts from chortling at the Benny Hill DVDs that have been passing around your office?

Dutch humour is very subtle. So subtle, that you could often miss it. By a mile.

We're not talking delicate, comedic insights here. It's a super-special, rarefied type of humour that is so understated and intangible, it often goes completely over the head of non-Dutchies.

Going to the barber the other day for a haircut, I noticed there were 3 other people ahead of me. So I asked the barber "how long will it be?" He said it would be around 20 minutes. "But on the other hand, it could be 21!" They all pissed themselves. The barber and other customers, chortling and guffawing, clapping their hands with glee. If only I could have thought of something equally witty, I could have felt included in their merry gathering - but alas, I had to leave defeated and dejected.

Perhaps I should have farted loudly to compete with their repartee? Because the surefire way to elicit a laugh from a Dutchie is to talk shit - literally. I've been at a meeting where, after a break, one Dutch colleague returned to the table from the bathroom, and pointed at another, announcing: "he has just done a big, smelly, shit - ho! ho! ho!" How we laughed at this Dorothy Parker-like epigram.

Interestingly, it is stupefyingly easy to wind up a Dutch person and watch how their face turns from 'you've got diarrhoea!' glee to stony-faced, cud-chewing, indignation. Simply turn the tables on them and make a joke about any aspect of Dutch life or culture. The tittering stops and the pious mooing begins, guaranteed within 15 seconds to induce an invitation to leave the country. It seems, as an expat, your choice is either to: (1) worship, venerate and unquestioningly adore every aspect of Dutch life; or (2) get the hell out. No room for anything in between.

Now that really is funny.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

hmmm.... dutch humour is on par with the follwing:

*** Dutch music: ever heard of Andre Hazes? Worse still: Ever heard the music? Even worse: Ever discussed its hideousness with a dutch person? They get SERIOUSLY OFFENDED

*** Dutch morning radio programs: It sounds awful, but it is a million times worse if you can understand what they are talking about.

Anonymous said...

yep, I have noticed the lack of humour here . And I am swedish!!!
That is horrible actually...

Things like irony just dont work with my workmates. Except from the few who actually have been abroad for longer periods...with them I can have a really good laugh.

It just woshes over their heads.
But it is ok. I dont need to laough when I am at work, then I have to little to do...welll that was not really funny...

Anonymous said...

If you want to have fun with them, just tell them that "Dutch is only a dialect of German".

It's proper funny to watch their reactions :-)


( note it isn't strictly true, but, well, nevermind )