Lekker!

Dutch only consists of about 14 words. These are all made up of about 5 or 6 basic sounds, which you can re-arrange in any order, at any time, to mean anything you want. The main point of Dutch is to convey to the listener that (1) no - you can't have what you asked for; (2) no, I'm not paying; or (3) is there a special deal or discount?

Useful phrases include:

- Dooooooooook!! Oy! Oy! - this is, essentially, gibberish. Dutch people say it to each other all of the time. No-one knows what it means. Dutch people are too afraid to fess up and ask what it means in case it involves them having to pay someone something.

- Nee - you will hear this anytime you ask a Dutch person to do anything (other than accept money, or a discount, or a sick day off work).

- YA! - this is the enthusiastic response to any of the above 3 exceptions to 'Nee'

- Lekker! - this single word constitutes about 60% of the Dutch vocabulary. Dutch people say it all of the time to indicate a range of emotions from mild approbation to wanton ecstasy.

- Austublieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeft! - this single word makes up about another 30% of the Dutch vocabulary and Dutch people use it when they are giving something - other than money - to another person (that's accompanied by the sound of gnashing teeth). Like 'Doooooook!! Oy! Oy!', it is more or less meaningless, but Dutch people will repeat it to each other over and over.

So at the "We Serve Coffee" shop, you may observe the following exchange:

- Coffee Server: (handing over cup of sludge, 40 minutes after you asked for it): "Austublieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeft!!!! Dooooooooooooooooooooooooook!!!!!"

- Customer: "YA! Lekker!!! Oy! Oy!!"

- Coffee Server: "Doooooooooooook!! Austublieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeft!!! Oy! Oy!"

- Customer: "Oy! YA! Lekker! Austublieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeft!! Doooooooooook!! Oy!!!!"

You're now fluent in Dutch.