Twin Towns

The mayor from Minsk is in town. The Amsterdam Parish Council has been scouring the map to look for a town to twin with. The problem is that the town with which Amsterdam could twin must have a similar set of amenities, cultural values and social structures.

Amsterdam started by aiming high with Venice; I guess by figuring that with all the canals in both places, Venice would seem a natural candidate. Unfortunately, the Parish Council made a few elementary errors and flew the Venetian mayor in on klm, then took him out for dinner. He made his excuses and left early.

More sober and realistic candidates were then wooed, but Swindon, Leicester, Hull and Monrovia all declined. So, in a back to basics approach, a computer model was written into which all of Amsterdam's attributes were inputted: (1) lousy service; (2) rude, hostile locals, terrified of change and resistant to 'outsiders'; (3) severe delusions of grandeur; (4) terrible restaurants; (5) no shopping options other than pile 'em high, sell 'em cheap joints; (6) no medical infrastructure; (7) appalling weather; (8) boring, repetitive, predictable nightlife; (9) and a general, all-pervading attitude of imbecilic ineptitiude, neatly encapsulated in the village motto "THAT IS NOT POSHHHIBOLLLLL!!!".

Things seemed to be looking up when London emerged as a possible candidate. But on closer inspection, it was revealed that this was London 1666 - just after the Great Fire, and at the height of the Bubonic Plague.

The mayor of Minsk finally came to the rescue! Both cities have a love of bowling alleys and caravanning, and whilst Amsterdam still has some way to go in catching up on the restaurant, nightlife and shopping scene, the locals are keeping their fingers crossed! In Amsterdam, obviously.