Moo!

Have you ever visited a dairy farm? You may think you haven't, but if you have ever been to a Dutch restaurant, bar, cafe or shop, then you have!

Dutch service-staff exist in some parallel universe in which the operations director is a Friesian cow. I've finally realised that Dutch people belong to some bizarre Hindu sect in which not only are cows sacred, but to adopt their mannerisms and personality is considered holy. This can be the only explanation for the response you get when you ask a Dutch person to do something. They stare, chewing the cud, shifting nervously from foot to foot; docile and unanimated. They frighten very easily and prefer to operate in herds. Although there are always scores of staff in any restaurant, none of them seems to do very much. Multi-tasking or using any form of initiative is completely out of the question. Ask the wrong person to do something and you will be told "that is not my resssssshponsibility!" while they point at another member of the herd, who will then bow their head and look away.

In fact, the Dutch word for "beautiful" is "mooi". Coincidence? I don't think so.

Stationary, unreactive, slow-witted and defenceless. At least you can make a cow into a pair of shoes. Mind you, given how the Dutchies love to tan, you could probably do the same with the average, leatherette klm flight attendant.